Ashamed, sad and haying myself.

[Coostietightner123]

Thank you so much, your words have helped me in a way I can’t describe, crying as I read this, the whole thing has made me feel such a worthless person, scared of even getting in a car, it’s good to know I’m not alone, I have never felt anything like this and it has certainly changed my whole mindset, I’m so so glad I found this forum, it is helping me immensely x

Hey, I’m reading this, and like many others have….we see a lot of ourselves in this. So thank you for being brave enough to share with us. And that’s a key word….”Brave”
We all felt that and went through that period of utter disbelief, self loathing. Nobody is gonna punish you as much as your punishing yourself right now. But, it WILL pass. For most of us, the healing and rebuilding process comes after the court process is complete. Then and only then can you turn the page and begin this new chapter. Your in with a good crowd here. There is any amount of help, support and great advice. Look, you never know how strong you are, or what your capable of until your really tested. Yes, you are probably gonna have to address your drinking habits. And whilst it’s not for me to judge, all I’ll say is, that if you also have a partner who drinks, that makes things harder. The reason I say this, is because I had those very same circumstances. That’s a tough one, you alone can deal with that and it wouldn’t be right for me to comment any further. This is a blip. You were lucky. You have your life in front of you. Use the time wisely, don’t waste that time obsessing about getting your licence back. Start being positive, when you’ve been through that court date. Put it behind you. Lift your head up, smile and put one foot in front of the other. Walk with dignity. We all react differently. Some hide away in shame others are open about it. That’s for you to decide. Perspective is a key word here. You were silly. You broke the law. You have your health, and your future and friends and family. Nobody died, you didn’t hurt anyone.
Trust me, you will be just fine.
Stiff upper lip and crack on

 

[Ashamedmumma]

Hey, I’m reading this, and like many others have….we see a lot of ourselves in this. So thank you for being brave enough to share with us. And that’s a key word….”Brave”
We all felt that and went through that period of utter disbelief, self loathing. Nobody is gonna punish you as much as your punishing yourself right now. But, it WILL pass. For most of us, the healing and rebuilding process comes after the court process is complete. Then and only then can you turn the page and begin this new chapter. Your in with a good crowd here. There is any amount of help, support and great advice. Look, you never know how strong you are, or what your capable of until your really tested. Yes, you are probably gonna have to address your drinking habits. And whilst it’s not for me to judge, all I’ll say is, that if you also have a partner who drinks, that makes things harder. The reason I say this, is because I had those very same circumstances. That’s a tough one, you alone can deal with that and it wouldn’t be right for me to comment any further. This is a blip. You were lucky. You have your life in front of you. Use the time wisely, don’t waste that time obsessing about getting your licence back. Start being positive, when you’ve been through that court date. Put it behind you. Lift your head up, smile and put one foot in front of the other. Walk with dignity. We all react differently. Some hide away in shame others are open about it. That’s for you to decide. Perspective is a key word here. You were silly. You broke the law. You have your health, and your future and friends and family. Nobody died, you didn’t hurt anyone.
Trust me, you will be just fine.
Stiff upper lip and crack on

Hi,
I have found great comfort in all of the words everyone has said and again reading this made me cry, yes the court date is the scariest imaginable thing and that seems to be a common thread, along with the fear of a prison sentence, this still works me immensely but from what I have read us most unlikely. This also is a stark reminder of the possible consequences my actions could of had. Everything about my approach to alcohol has changed already, even in a short period of less than a week. Even drinking at Christmas has a new mindset, I havnt even bought any for dinner with the family, my choice and a choice now deeply rooted in brain. This very unpleasant disruption of my own doing as literally turned my life around and as you say once the dreaded day as been and gone maybe I can start being a little less hard on myself and concentrate on how precious life is, thank you

 

[Ashamedmumma]

You're like me, you're clearly a normal person who messed up - like many of us. This one incident doesn't change the fact you are great. I had panic attacks at every minor thing even when my boyfriend at the time was driving because I was so scared. It will pass. Get therapy.
You will find it affects your life, yes of course. But we adapt. Is your job compromised by this?
Court will be FINE. If you haven't already look up the sentencing guidelines and that pretty much tells you what the outcome will be as the magistrates follow that. Xx

Work have been amazing, first thing they said is we don’t want to lose you and your job is safe, as so many have said it’s me that’s punishing myself the most. Still havnt left the house much and and also I too have issues even being a passenger. Life has changed so much for me and I know that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Havnt had a drink since the incident and the very thought brings a pit to my stomach. People on here have been so very kind, more so than I am on myself x

 

[Traeb]

Work have been amazing, first thing they said is we don’t want to lose you and your job is safe, as so many have said it’s me that’s punishing myself the most. Still havnt left the house much and and also I too have issues even being a passenger. Life has changed so much for me and I know that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Havnt had a drink since the incident and the very thought brings a pit to my stomach. People on here have been so very kind, more so than I am on myself x

Hi i am so glad your work have been supportive. I have not found the strength to talk to mine yet. I still have a wait until I get bloods and a court date through so I am waiting until then. I am the same though, I have not touched a drop since.

I am trying to be ‘normal ‘ for now to get through Christmas and work until then.

We will get through this

 

[Ashamedmumma]

Hi i am so glad your work have been supportive. I have not found the strength to talk to mine yet. I still have a wait until I get bloods and a court date through so I am waiting until then. I am the same though, I have not touched a drop since.

I am trying to be ‘normal ‘ for now to get through Christmas and work until then.

We will get through this

My court date is 4th Jan and I’m an absolutely bricking it , I understand how you feel, putting on a brave face for Christmas but literally dying inside with the shame , I chose my person to talk to at work out of 2 people, and she was amazing, I’m sure your work will be totally understanding with you, again it’s the fear of the unknown and once that has been done it’s a partial move into the healing process.
Yes we WILL get through this, and it helps to talk to people in the same situation, a problem shared is a problem halved.

We’ve got this !!!

 

[Traeb]

My court date is 4th Jan and I’m an absolutely bricking it , I understand how you feel, putting on a brave face for Christmas but literally dying inside with the shame , I chose my person to talk to at work out of 2 people, and she was amazing, I’m sure your work will be totally understanding with you, again it’s the fear of the unknown and once that has been done it’s a partial move into the healing process.
Yes we WILL get through this, and it helps to talk to people in the same situation, a problem shared is a problem halved.

We’ve got this !!!

It really does help to chat to people on here.

It’s good you won’t have to wait long though into the new year for court you can then put it behind you and focus on moving forward

 

[Sarah 1111]

Last night, I drove to the shop after a crap day for a 3rd bottle of wine. Honestly, me? I'm a clever person, good life, good job, amazing partner who I'm dreading telling. What if he leaves?
Drink is ruining my life. I got caught 78 reading and spent the night in a cell.
I will be in court on 6th Jan and am terrified. No sentence could be as hard on me as I am on myself.
I can walk to work for next 6 months but little things like visiting my parents, going aldi etc.
What's worse, car on finance with 9 months left so it's not just taken my transport away but landed me in a huge bit of debt. Shoot me now.
It's not yet a blessing but I hope I'll get fitter and drink less, continue my evening course and have a better quality of life with drink.
It's coming to Christmas, I dont know how I'll cope without my own transport.
Loathing myself.

Hiya hun listen I was in the kinda same boat. My reading was 83. I stupidly decided to drive home a long way from Dorset to Kent I didn't get caught as such I took a wrong turn into a police training ground !!

I to got put in the sell for the night I drove home in the morning I felt like my life was over. My car was also on finance, I've just made my final payment on so that's over
I had to go all the back to court in Dorset where the incident took place aswell ! I got an 18 month ban got it reduced by doing the dd course. My ban is up in May. Luckily my friend has helped me keep my job as she gives me a lift. Its hard I won't lie but you will adjust you have no choice. It happens to the best of us trust me so don't beat yourself up please. Good luck and let me know how you get on xx

 

[Ashamedmumma]

Hiya hun listen I was in the kinda same boat. My reading was 83. I stupidly decided to drive home a long way from Dorset to Kent I didn't get caught as such I took a wrong turn into a police training ground !!

I to got put in the sell for the night I drove home in the morning I felt like my life was over. My car was also on finance, I've just made my final payment on so that's over
I had to go all the back to court in Dorset where the incident took place aswell ! I got an 18 month ban got it reduced by doing the dd course. My ban is up in May. Luckily my friend has helped me keep my job as she gives me a lift. Its hard I won't lie but you will adjust you have no choice. It happens to the best of us trust me so don't beat yourself up please. Good luck and let me know how you get on xx

Like you say I think most people on here beat themselves up more than any judge on the day will do, it’s the utter self loathing that hits home the most, friends and family have been amazing, I feel like I don’t deserve anyone to be nice to me. My court date is the 4th and it’s worrying me sick, can’t eat or sleep much, but it has totally changed my approach to drinking so I guess every cloud.
I hope everyone going through this stays strong and takes some solace from the good advice on here, it’s good to know that you are not alone x

 

[Missbee]

Like you say I think most people on here beat themselves up more than any judge on the day will do, it’s the utter self loathing that hits home the most, friends and family have been amazing, I feel like I don’t deserve anyone to be nice to me. My court date is the 4th and it’s worrying me sick, can’t eat or sleep much, but it has totally changed my approach to drinking so I guess every cloud.
I hope everyone going through this stays strong and takes some solace from the good advice on here, it’s good to know that you are not alone x

It's an awful feeling I promise you court won't be anywhere near as bad as your expecting. It actually gives you a sense of relief once it's done. What did you blow? X

 

[Ashamedmumma]

It's an awful feeling I promise you court won't be anywhere near as bad as your expecting. It actually gives you a sense of relief once it's done. What did you blow? X

I blew 72, I was so shocked , and spending a night in the cell shook me to my roots, convinced myself I was going to prison , I’m just dreading it x

 

[Missbee]

I blew 72, I was so shocked , and spending a night in the cell shook me to my roots, convinced myself I was going to prison , I’m just dreading it x

You definitely won't be going to prison. 10000000% not going to happen.

It shook me too, I was absolutely devesated with myself when I did it. Once court is over you can start to rebuild yourself. Don't punish yourself forever, you're clearly learning from your mistake and time will make this easier to deal with

The courts were actually more empathetic and caring then I expected. X

 

[Ashamedmumma]

You definitely won't be going to prison. 10000000% not going to happen.

It shook me too, I was absolutely devesated with myself when I did it. Once court is over you can start to rebuild yourself. Don't punish yourself forever, you're clearly learning from your mistake and time will make this easier to deal with

The courts were actually more empathetic and caring then I expected. X

I guess I just expect them to throw the book at me and tbh I deserve that, but yes a big lesson learnt, thank you so much for your replies, it truly helps to talk to someone who has been through the same, I can’t talk so openly with my family and friends as I feel so ashamed. Guess I better dust off my bike !!! Did you do the course ? I’m hoping that I have a similiar experience, I’m probably gonna be a blubbering wreck anyway , work have written a character reference so I’m hoping it will show that this is completely out of character for me x

 

[Missbee]

I guess I just expect them to throw the book at me and tbh I deserve that, but yes a big lesson learnt, thank you so much for your replies, it truly helps to talk to someone who has been through the same, I can’t talk so openly with my family and friends as I feel so ashamed. Guess I better dust off my bike !!! Did you do the course ? I’m hoping that I have a similiar experience, I’m probably gonna be a blubbering wreck anyway , work have written a character reference so I’m hoping it will show that this is completely out of character for me x

Yup I did the course. That gave me a huge sense of closure! I didn't tell anyone that I lost my licence couldn't bare the shame, so I kept it secret for a year until I did the course. Once I did that, it just felt like I could move on from it..

I cried like an absolute baby in court so don't worry lol I had to attend court twice..as I had to have a probation report done to decide best punishment. But I blew 97..so that won't happen to you.

It's surprising how quickly you get used to not having a car! X

 

[Ashamedmumma]

Yup I did the course. That gave me a huge sense of closure! I didn't tell anyone that I lost my licence couldn't bare the shame, so I kept it secret for a year until I did the course. Once I did that, it just felt like I could move on from it..

I cried like an absolute baby in court so don't worry lol I had to attend court twice..as I had to have a probation report done to decide best punishment. But I blew 97..so that won't happen to you.

It's surprising how quickly you get used to not having a car! X

Oh bless you, keeping it to yourself for a year, that must of been so hard for you, it’s surprising how strong we can be when we have to. Kinda looking forward in a way to not driving and battling with the traffic daily, but also not being able to just pop out is gonna be a little hard. Even driving since shakes me up, every time a go past a police car I think they are gonna turn me round and pull me over , again I think that’s just the guilt . Do you have your licence back now ? X

 

[Missbee]

Oh bless you, keeping it to yourself for a year, that must of been so hard for you, it’s surprising how strong we can be when we have to. Kinda looking forward in a way to not driving and battling with the traffic daily, but also not being able to just pop out is gonna be a little hard. Even driving since shakes me up, every time a go past a police car I think they are gonna turn me round and pull me over , again I think that’s just the guilt . Do you have your licence back now ? X

I got my licence back on 20th December! After 22 months! Took 4 months after my ban ended to complete the medical process. Its been so nice driving, I did freak when police drove up behind me with the lights on yesterday they over took me though lol

It is hard, but life will get better, the shame and guilt will subside. I have 3 kids and making them get on the bus to and from school and work everyday was the biggest punishment for me x

 

[Ashamedmumma]

I got my licence back on 20th December! After 22 months! Took 4 months after my ban ended to complete the medical process. Its been so nice driving, I did freak when police drove up behind me with the lights on yesterday they over took me though lol

It is hard, but life will get better, the shame and guilt will subside. I have 3 kids and making them get on the bus to and from school and work everyday was the biggest punishment for me x

It must be so nice to drive again especially for your kids, you’ve done your time now so time to move on and put it behind you, truly an inspiration x

 

[Missbee]

It must be so nice to drive again especially for your kids, you’ve done your time now so time to move on and put it behind you, truly an inspiration x

Let me know how you get on, on the 4th x good luck x

 

[Ashamedmumma]

Let me know how you get on, on the 4th x good luck x

Thank you and yes I will let you know x

 

[Ashamedmumma]

Hi, hope you are ok ? So I had my court appearance today, although it was one of the most scariest and humiliating moments of my life, they were very empathetic and the duty solicitor was amazing, she was so kind and caring and pointed out some mistakes that the police had made in their statement, I got a 17 month ban which will be reduced to 13 months with the course and a fine of £600 plus courts costs so by and by I think I got of pretty lightly, the whole experience has literally changed my mindset. As you have said now I can move forward and get used to being a foot passenger x

 

[jamesbrown1]

Hi, hope you are ok ? So I had my court appearance today, although it was one of the most scariest and humiliating moments of my life, they were very empathetic and the duty solicitor was amazing, she was so kind and caring and pointed out some mistakes that the police had made in their statement, I got a 17 month ban which will be reduced to 13 months with the course and a fine of £600 plus courts costs so by and by I think I got of pretty lightly, the whole experience has literally changed my mindset. As you have said now I can move forward and get used to being a foot passenger x

That's a really good result, well done - sounds trite but u will genuinely be surprised at how quickly the ban will slip by. Now hopefully you can finally relax and stop hating yourself, you just made a mistake and judging by the level of remorse you have shown, one you certainly wont be repeating