I want to die

[Want to end it all]

I was caught on Saturday night. First time I’ve ever done it first time I’ve ever done anurhint wrong I don’t know why I did it what I was thinking I look back and it’s like it wasn’t me. Had a few drinks after work someone kept topping me up thought I was ok got in the car then suddenly didn’t feel ok but by then was in the car, I clipped a roundabout close to home and some woman stopped me and called police. Spent night in cell worst night of my life. Blew 103 and I have never felt so low in my life I feel sick I can’t stop shaking I can’t eat I can’t sleep. I want to kill myswlf so badly but I have two children and I can’t for them I have been cutting my arms to try and get rid of the pain I feel inside. I am so scared. And so scared of being named and shamed I run my own business and this will destroy me. If I am in paper I will have to kill myself and I will miss my girls so much but I will have to I can’t go on. Please someone help me not feel like this I don’t know what to do

 

[Hardlessontolearn]

I was caught on Saturday night. First time I’ve ever done it first time I’ve ever done anurhint wrong I don’t know why I did it what I was thinking I look back and it’s like it wasn’t me. Had a few drinks after work someone kept topping me up thought I was ok got in the car then suddenly didn’t feel ok but by then was in the car, I clipped a roundabout close to home and some woman stopped me and called police. Spent night in cell worst night of my life. Blew 103 and I have never felt so low in my life I feel sick I can’t stop shaking I can’t eat I can’t sleep. I want to kill myswlf so badly but I have two children and I can’t for them I have been cutting my arms to try and get rid of the pain I feel inside. I am so scared. And so scared of being named and shamed I run my own business and this will destroy me. If I am in paper I will have to kill myself and I will miss my girls so much but I will have to I can’t go on. Please someone help me not feel like this I don’t know what to do

I have been exactly where you are, unable to eat, felt physically sick, the anxiety and panic was like nothing I’d ever experienced before. I couldn’t sleep or think about anything else and my life felt like it was over.

But I promise you, absolutely and sincerely, you WILL get through this just as I have.

We aren’t villains. We are good people who did a bad thing and nobody can punish us more than we punish ourselves. Right?

My reading was higher than yours and like you, I had never been in any kind of trouble before. I too spent the night in a cell, sobbing all night and my parents came to visit me, which was so shameful for me.

The reason I’m saying all of this is not to depress you, but to show you that despite all of the above, life didn’t end! It really wasn’t the end of the world that I thought it was going to be.

Inconvenient that I couldn’t drive for 2.5 years, yes. Shameful, yes. The biggest regret of my life, yes.

But I got through it. I’m now in the process of applying for my license again, I’m healthier than I’ve ever been, stronger and more resilient than ever, more empathetic and I honestly think it’s made me a better person.

Please feel free to send me a private message if you’d like to chat xx

 

[craig121]

I was caught on Saturday night. First time I’ve ever done it first time I’ve ever done anurhint wrong I don’t know why I did it what I was thinking I look back and it’s like it wasn’t me. Had a few drinks after work someone kept topping me up thought I was ok got in the car then suddenly didn’t feel ok but by then was in the car, I clipped a roundabout close to home and some woman stopped me and called police. Spent night in cell worst night of my life. Blew 103 and I have never felt so low in my life I feel sick I can’t stop shaking I can’t eat I can’t sleep. I want to kill myswlf so badly but I have two children and I can’t for them I have been cutting my arms to try and get rid of the pain I feel inside. I am so scared. And so scared of being named and shamed I run my own business and this will destroy me. If I am in paper I will have to kill myself and I will miss my girls so much but I will have to I can’t go on. Please someone help me not feel like this I don’t know what to do

Good morning,
Firstly your doing the right thing by reaching out for help & advice
It will help reading from here but I also suggest you confide with a family member or close friend from what your saying.
It's probably advisable to speak with your GP also if things don't improve

Not wishing to water it down but its your pride that's hurt thankfully nobody else
It's not a bad thing you feel regret and remorse its how you deal with it moving forward and learn from mistakes.
You will stand in court then get a ban its not as bad you might imagine along with everyone gets to hear about it! That quickly becomes yesterday's news and no reason to have thoughts like you mention or self harm.
Brush yourself off take deep breaths concentrate on your kids life will get better.
If you can't see light at the end of tunnel post back your fears poster's will help
Feel free to contact samaritans if it becomes an issue.
Probably the ladt thing on your mind right now but definitely stay of the booze until after court it will heighten your anxiety 10 fold
Take care

 

[Want to end it all]

Thank you so much. Trust me I don’t want to touch alcohol again I am so ashamed and hate myself. It’s the not knowing that’s killing ne if I could have my ban know what’s what I could mskr a plan move on but I don’t even have a court date. I’ve been through this forum looking for people similar and one minute I feel like ok it’ll be fine but the next I feel suicidal it doesn’t help that everyone seems to get quite different sentences I stayed up obsessively reading through the bit on here where people post ban lengths etc and it’s scaring me to death the fear of the unknown. If I just could know get it over and not have the whole town know I can get through it but if the ban is 3 or 4 years and in the paper I will mill myself I swear.
Also I would rather pay a higher fine than do community service if you request that will they always take it or does it depend?

 

[Hobgoblin]

Drink driving, breath reading of 103

I have made a massive error in judgement, I stupidly drove my car and got taken to the police station with a breath reading of 103, I have never had any drink driving convictions and this is my first court appearance, I am absolutely terrified and would like some advice on what will happen to me...

www.forum.drinkdriving.org

 

[Hardlessontolearn]

Thank you so much. Trust me I don’t want to touch alcohol again I am so ashamed and hate myself. It’s the not knowing that’s killing ne if I could have my ban know what’s what I could mskr a plan move on but I don’t even have a court date. I’ve been through this forum looking for people similar and one minute I feel like ok it’ll be fine but the next I feel suicidal it doesn’t help that everyone seems to get quite different sentences I stayed up obsessively reading through the bit on here where people post ban lengths etc and it’s scaring me to death the fear of the unknown. If I just could know get it over and not have the whole town know I can get through it but if the ban is 3 or 4 years and in the paper I will mill myself I swear.
Also I would rather pay a higher fine than do community service if you request that will they always take it or does it depend?

I wasn’t in the paper, so I don’t think it’s a given that you will be.

 

[Hardlessontolearn]

Thank you so much. Trust me I don’t want to touch alcohol again I am so ashamed and hate myself. It’s the not knowing that’s killing ne if I could have my ban know what’s what I could mskr a plan move on but I don’t even have a court date. I’ve been through this forum looking for people similar and one minute I feel like ok it’ll be fine but the next I feel suicidal it doesn’t help that everyone seems to get quite different sentences I stayed up obsessively reading through the bit on here where people post ban lengths etc and it’s scaring me to death the fear of the unknown. If I just could know get it over and not have the whole town know I can get through it but if the ban is 3 or 4 years and in the paper I will mill myself I swear.
Also I would rather pay a higher fine than do community service if you request that will they always take it or does it depend?

I wasn’t given community service and the reason they gave for not making me do it was because they thought it would do me more harm than good.

Make of that what you will!

My advice is when you go to court, make sure they know how utterly full of remorse you are, get 3 or 4 good character references, dress smartly and speak with a probation officer beforehand if you can. My solicitor arranged that for me.

That’s what I did and I explained the reasons behind why I did what I did, how devastated I was, how I was aware that I could have caused a fatal accident (but I didn’t).

You really will be ok xx

 

[craig121]

Prepare yourself for the worst and hope for better apart from clipping a roundabout there's not a lot of aggravating factors ( take it the kids not with you)
It's a very basic case unfortunately repeated most weeks however it's what it is ?
As mentioned above showing remorse dressing smartly and you can provide your own solicitor or ask the duty solicitors on the day to represent you.
There not always available so that's a chance your going to consider.
Don't say more than your required to IE excuses or other keep it formal the press love a drama so don't give them any!
Most likely 18mth<>24mth ban but can be reduced 25% by asking on the day of court for the awareness course (it cannot be provided after)
It's normal to feel waves of anxiety hence why suggested talk with GP he may provide support with sleeping pills or Diazapan if it's a problem.
The less sleep you get the worse it will feel.
You can continue posting here right up until you stand in court we've all been through it and came out the other side.

 

[Onlymyselftoblame]

Hi
you are not the first and you will certainly not be the last to make a mistake , thats all it was. Once the day in court happens you will think to yourself why was I so worried , even though you are being punished by what ever the court give you , you will be so happy that it is over
Have faith

 

[Want to end it all]

Prepare yourself for the worst and hope for better apart from clipping a roundabout there's not a lot of aggravating factors ( take it the kids not with you)
It's a very basic case unfortunately repeated most weeks however it's what it is ?
As mentioned above showing remorse dressing smartly and you can provide your own solicitor or ask the duty solicitors on the day to represent you.
There not always available so that's a chance your going to consider.
Don't say more than your required to IE excuses or other keep it formal the press love a drama so don't give them any!
Most likely 18mth<>24mth ban but can be reduced 25% by asking on the day of court for the awareness course (it cannot be provided after)
It's normal to feel waves of anxiety hence why suggested talk with GP he may provide support with sleeping pills or Diazapan if it's a problem.
The less sleep you get the worse it will feel.

Thank you, no kids were in the car no one was. And when police turned up I wasn’t in car either.
Thank you the lack of sleep and the fact I haven’t eaten a single thing since Saturday morning isn’t helping matters probablt but I feel too sick.
I might try and get sleeping pills from the doctors thank you

 

[Want to end it all]

Hi
you are not the first and you will certainly not be the last to make a mistake , thats all it was. Once the day in court happens you will think to yourself why was I so worried , even though you are being punished by what ever the court give you , you will be so happy that it is over
Have faith

Thank you. I really want it over and done with. Next Tuesday I have to go in to the police station is that when they would give me a court date? How soon is the court date usually? I don’t want it hanging over my head over Christmas but I am having major surgery on the 14th devember so paranoid it’ll be then!

 

[Onlymyselftoblame]

Thank you. I really want it over and done with. Next Tuesday I have to go in to the police station is that when they would give me a court date? How soon is the court date usually? I don’t want it hanging over my head over Christmas but I am having major surgery on the 14th devember so paranoid it’ll be then!

Mine was slightly different , arrested on the 17th of December , released on the 18th , in court on the 21st of December.
I was given my court date when I was released

 

[Want to end it all]

any ideas why I haven’t been given mine? I was bailed until next Tuesday when I have to go in not sure why when most people get a date straight away don’t they?

 

[Onlymyselftoblame]

any ideas why I haven’t been given mine? I was bailed until next Tuesday when I have to go in not sure why when most people get a date straight away don’t they?

They are probably doing further investigations on the matter , lots of people on here go back for interviews , nothing to worry about

 

[nats]

Thank you. I really want it over and done with. Next Tuesday I have to go in to the police station is that when they would give me a court date? How soon is the court date usually? I don’t want it hanging over my head over Christmas but I am having major surgery on the 14th devember so paranoid it’ll be then!

I couldn’t a

any ideas why I haven’t been given mine? I was bailed until next Tuesday when I have to go in not sure why when most people get a date straight away don’t they?

it all depends I was interviewed whilst in A&E with a broken back . Never had bail waited for the summons to arrive which it did with 5 days to the 6 months deadline. Went to Crawley court all very matter of fact . How do you plead, all very matter of fact cps gave evidence of readings and my conviction was based on those . Spent months worrying it’s not worth it hands up did it . Got a ban that was slum dunk got the max 22 months. Less after dd course . As for name and shame wouldn’t even worry about it . Your name might appear in a small article in the local rag but I’m sure tiddles stuck up a tree will make bigger headlines.

 

[Luna2000]

I was caught on Saturday night. First time I’ve ever done it first time I’ve ever done anurhint wrong I don’t know why I did it what I was thinking I look back and it’s like it wasn’t me. Had a few drinks after work someone kept topping me up thought I was ok got in the car then suddenly didn’t feel ok but by then was in the car, I clipped a roundabout close to home and some woman stopped me and called police. Spent night in cell worst night of my life. Blew 103 and I have never felt so low in my life I feel sick I can’t stop shaking I can’t eat I can’t sleep. I want to kill myswlf so badly but I have two children and I can’t for them I have been cutting my arms to try and get rid of the pain I feel inside. I am so scared. And so scared of being named and shamed I run my own business and this will destroy me. If I am in paper I will have to kill myself and I will miss my girls so much but I will have to I can’t go on. Please someone help me not feel like this I don’t know what to do

Wow, hang on. Losing your driving licence is not the end of the World. I lost mine twice in 2 years. First was in April 2017 and the second was in July 2019. Did I feel down? Bloody hell, yes. I have been driving every day since 1982 and not being able to do was killing me. But I had been drinking alcoholically (I know you haven't,) and the second ban was a real wake up call for me. What I did discover was the bus timetables. UP to 50,000 people each year are banned each year in the UK, so you will not be alone.

You may not have your name in the local papers and to be honest, how many people actually read them nowadays? Put all thoughts of suicide out of your mind. You haven't killed anyone, you have simply made a mistake. You will find out quickly who your friends are, and they will be the ones who will give you lifts and help you through this. If you think your children will be embarrassed about you being convicted, then think who they will feel about losing their mum? Your kids will not care about your conviction. You are their mum and that is all that matters. Reading between the lines, I assume your children are still fairly young, so they need their mum. Call the Samaritans. Do it even if you feel slightly better. Their number is 116 123.

I have gotten through the double ban. I bought an electric bike after the second one and for 27 months used it daily. This helped my fitness, but I haven't used it since I got my licence back (bad me.)

Speak to your friends about how you feel. Stop cutting yourself as this helps no one and won't make you feel any better.

Oh, and if you speak to your GP, don't mention any alcohol related issues. Tell them this was a one off andt that your drinks were topped up without your knowledge.

Let us know how you get on with the Police station visit and you can get more advice on a way forward when you do. Yes, that visit will be nerve wracking, but remember Police are just people like you and I.

 

[Want to end it all]

Wow, hang on. Losing your driving licence is not the end of the World. I lost mine twice in 2 years. First was in April 2017 and the second was in July 2019. Did I feel down? Bloody hell, yes. I have been driving every day since 1982 and not being able to do was killing me. But I had been drinking alcoholically (I know you haven't,) and the second ban was a real wake up call for me. What I did discover was the bus timetables. UP to 50,000 people each year are banned each year in the UK, so you will not be alone.

You may not have your name in the local papers and to be honest, how many people actually read them nowadays? Put all thoughts of suicide out of your mind. You haven't killed anyone, you have simply made a mistake. You will find out quickly who your friends are, and they will be the ones who will give you lifts and help you through this. If you think your children will be embarrassed about you being convicted, then think who they will feel about losing their mum? Your kids will not care about your conviction. You are their mum and that is all that matters. Reading between the lines, I assume your children are still fairly young, so they need their mum. Call the Samaritans. Do it even if you feel slightly better. Their number is 116 123.

I have gotten through the double ban. I bought an electric bike after the second one and for 27 months used it daily. This helped my fitness, but I haven't used it since I got my licence back (bad me.)

Speak to your friends about how you feel. Stop cutting yourself as this helps no one and won't make you feel any better.

Oh, and if you speak to your GP, don't mention any alcohol related issues. Tell them this was a one off andt that your drinks were topped up without your knowledge.

Let us know how you get on with the Police station visit and you can get more advice on a way forward when you do. Yes, that visit will be nerve wracking, but remember Police are just people like you and I.

Thank you so much. The ban I can get my head around it’s the people finding out if I am in the paper or online you know these papers do stories on Facebook and people share them my name is insuual and is my business name as I am self employed I am quite well known in the area so people will know it’s me I’m worried people won’t want to use my business anymore and I will lose that, the thought of people sending me death threats. I could cope with everything else but in the paper I honestly can’t. I have literally spent the entire day today reading through years and years of posts on here trying to find out how many people get named and shamed. I am driving myself insane my husband keeps telling me to stop punishing myself and and keep my mind of it but I can’t eat I can’t sleep all I can beat to do is read more stories of people like me. I don’t know when I’ll ever feel normal again. My kids want to put Christmas decorations up at the weekend but I don’t even want to celebrate this year

 

[Robbo75]

I was caught on Saturday night. First time I’ve ever done it first time I’ve ever done anurhint wrong I don’t know why I did it what I was thinking I look back and it’s like it wasn’t me. Had a few drinks after work someone kept topping me up thought I was ok got in the car then suddenly didn’t feel ok but by then was in the car, I clipped a roundabout close to home and some woman stopped me and called police. Spent night in cell worst night of my life. Blew 103 and I have never felt so low in my life I feel sick I can’t stop shaking I can’t eat I can’t sleep. I want to kill myswlf so badly but I have two children and I can’t for them I have been cutting my arms to try and get rid of the pain I feel inside. I am so scared. And so scared of being named and shamed I run my own business and this will destroy me. If I am in paper I will have to kill myself and I will miss my girls so much but I will have to I can’t go on. Please someone help me not feel like this I don’t know what to do

you have come to the right place believe. It is important as well you are acknowledging what happened and the impact. however i must say Like others was in exactly the same situation....yes different circumstances. I want to urge you to be open and on this platform you will be given support. I f i could meet many members here I tell u i could not thank them enough for guidance support and valuable advice. you will come through this believe me and do it for you Kids please. You will come through this and u will be surprised driving them again. It is not worth you taking away their love 4 u at all.

 

[Robbo75]

Wow, hang on. Losing your driving licence is not the end of the World. I lost mine twice in 2 years. First was in April 2017 and the second was in July 2019. Did I feel down? Bloody hell, yes. I have been driving every day since 1982 and not being able to do was killing me. But I had been drinking alcoholically (I know you haven't,) and the second ban was a real wake up call for me. What I did discover was the bus timetables. UP to 50,000 people each year are banned each year in the UK, so you will not be alone.

You may not have your name in the local papers and to be honest, how many people actually read them nowadays? Put all thoughts of suicide out of your mind. You haven't killed anyone, you have simply made a mistake. You will find out quickly who your friends are, and they will be the ones who will give you lifts and help you through this. If you think your children will be embarrassed about you being convicted, then think who they will feel about losing their mum? Your kids will not care about your conviction. You are their mum and that is all that matters. Reading between the lines, I assume your children are still fairly young, so they need their mum. Call the Samaritans. Do it even if you feel slightly better. Their number is 116 123.

I have gotten through the double ban. I bought an electric bike after the second one and for 27 months used it daily. This helped my fitness, but I haven't used it since I got my licence back (bad me.)

Speak to your friends about how you feel. Stop cutting yourself as this helps no one and won't make you feel any better.

Oh, and if you speak to your GP, don't mention any alcohol related issues. Tell them this was a one off andt that your drinks were topped up without your knowledge.

Let us know how you get on with the Police station visit and you can get more advice on a way forward when you do. Yes, that visit will be nerve wracking, but remember Police are just people like you and I.

excellent advice.

 

[Luna2000]

Thank you so much. The ban I can get my head around it’s the people finding out if I am in the paper or online you know these papers do stories on Facebook and people share them my name is insuual and is my business name as I am self employed I am quite well known in the area so people will know it’s me I’m worried people won’t want to use my business anymore and I will lose that, the thought of people sending me death threats. I could cope with everything else but in the paper I honestly can’t. I have literally spent the entire day today reading through years and years of posts on here trying to find out how many people get named and shamed. I am driving myself insane my husband keeps telling me to stop punishing myself and and keep my mind of it but I can’t eat I can’t sleep all I can beat to do is read more stories of people like me. I don’t know when I’ll ever feel normal again. My kids want to put Christmas decorations up at the weekend but I don’t even want to celebrate this year

Your husband is correct. What's done is done. You now have to find a way to deal with it. I am not a medical professional, but given your mental condition, I think you should seek some expert help just now. At least you are saying 'this year' in relation to Christmas decorations, which implies there will be a next year. Believe me, you will feel normal again. You don't seem to be an alcoholic, unlike myself who has been at AA and sober for 4.5 years. Why will people send you death threats? You haven't hurt anyone physically. As myself and others have said regarding the papers, forget them. They are tomorrow's fish and chip paper (well they used to be.)

Look to the future and look to your children for support. You are their mum, the most important person in their lives right now. Think what you not being there will do to them. It's only driving. Millions of people go through life not driving. You will simply be one of them for a couple of years.