Xeronema
Established Member
You had us all worried at one point (well multiple points, however for me one point in particular that worried me more than anything). I'm glad to see that you're doing a lot better than you were.
Court appearance on Monday, terrified, anxious and overwhelmed
- Thread starter SMD
- Start date
Bad_karma
Established Member
Be both selfish as well as self compassionate with yourself. Who cares what a random stranger may think, you don’t owe them or anyone else an explanation for a (fairly minor) mistake which you made. 50,000 people on average arrested every year for it, it’s not the crime of the century. Put any shame you may have and throw it out the back door for now.
Be kind to yourself as well, everybody makes mistakes every single day. Some people go through life always making the same mistakes or ones that have adverse impacts on innocent people’s lives. There’s a lot of nasty people out there and you very clearly aren’t one. Don’t place any emphasis on “forgiving yourself” either, you will get there someday but simply try and accept you’ve made a mistake and there’s nothing you can do about it now.
Get your favourite takeaway and watch a good film or do something you enjoy this evening, enjoy meeting up with your friends and spending time with them over the next few days - they care about you and will support you. This will all pass and in a few years time you will wake up and not even think about it
Want to end it all
Member
Thank you and sorry! I went down a hole and needed to stay off this thread for a bit as the constant reminder of what had happened was making me feel
Awful but honestly I feel like a
Different person already , being forced to exercise is literally a life saver I feel
Amazing! X
SMD
Member
I have read through your threads and am so pleased you are doing better and have a more positive outlook, I just hope I can do the same. xxHello I just wanted to message as I have been where you are back in November and I know how it feels like the end of the world. Hence my name I really thought it was. I blew much higher than you (102) and had a 22 month ban , I’ve done the course now which has reduced it (and dare I say the course was fun!) but it still felt and feels a
Life time! Like you I was absolutely terrified of being in the paper, I am quite well known in my town and respected because of my job and I have a family bigish social media presence, because of this I was certain the paper would use this against me as I have been in the paper for positive things before. I couldn’t sleep and was checking the paper literally all day every day refreshing in a pit of despair luckily I was never in the paper other than the court roundup which I’m fairly sure no one ever reads, I’ve got an unusual name so everyone would know its
Me and no one’s ever mentioned it. So I would be surprised if you at such a smaller reading were in the paper.
I know it feels like the world is ending and you’ll never feel happy again but honestly you will, once the court is over you will feel a sense of relief and for me i then thought right im
Going to make a plan and get through this. I have been walking every where and last week clocked 40 miles! I’ve never felt so fit and healthy, I’ve been trying and failing to lose weight for years and nothing ever works and at last my body is changing and I can see the benefits. Because I’m walking more it’s made me feel so much healthier and happier and positive inside , im
Eating better, im
A nicer person to be around, all of this is because I lost my license. It’s crazy but I have been determined to turn it around to a positive. It could of been so much worse I didn’t kill
Anyone and now I know I’ll never ever risk anything so stupid again, and I also when I get my license back will still continue to walk more as I am loving it.
The work side of things for me probably is easier in some ways as I am self employed and my job isn’t a Monday to Friday 9-5 but I do need to get lifts quite regularly I am lucky my mum and husband have been so good and supportive and happy to help me where I need it. Unless you are looking for a driving job I don’t see how one silly
Mistake will stop you getting a job, just keep looking and you will find something.
I’ve babbled on a bit there but I just wanted to let you know as if you look at my posts before I’ve been in some dark places because of my conviction but I now am out the other side and even though next June when it ends feels so long away I am just focusing on how healthy and fit I am going to be by then,Concentrating on that gives me a purpose and makes me know I can get through it and it’s ok, it will be ok I promise xx
SMD
Member
Thank you, your message has really resonated with me, just had a chat with my Solicitor. Although I am dreading the court case, I actually feel a little bit better, just want it over and done with now, so that I can start to rebuild and deal with the next 18 months.
I've also bought the local paper, and luckily they dont have a round-up of all the court cases for the week, and there are no DD stories this week (I doubt there were no DD court cases), so I'm just hoping mine is too boring or run of the mill to report on. xx
nats
Well Known Member
Don’t be ashamed you made a mistake and have been punished for it and let’s be honest it’s just about all the police can get a conviction for. You didn’t hurt anyone although you have probably been told numerous times you could have . As for the stigma I just tell the truth and most people are understanding . Don’t worry about name and shame if it makes it to your local newspaper it will be A 2 line affair that no one reads anyway. Yes dr10 will show up on a DBS check for 5 years from date of conviction. As for solicitors I phoned many 30 minutes free then a fortune. Pay for a local solicitor that deals with the court you will be going too. I paid a small fine and court costs at no point was I asked about my income. I took character references not sure if it did anything . I have just applied for my license back but to be honest I’m not sure I will bother as the insurance varies from £700 to £15000 and I’m the criminal
as for going on holiday don’t worry about it they really don’t care . The only time I will contact Sussex police is when I get burgled again for a reference no for house insurance.Sundog
Established Member
This forum has probably saved me too in all fairness. It all seemed so hopeless at one point. No license, career in tatters, everything totally fugged up.
But nearly 6 years on since the conviction, a five-year fight with Admiral, 4 years of sobriety, 3 medicals, 2 (thankfully unsuccessful) suicide attempts, but across all of this (and most importantly) ONE realisation of what was wrong later, life couldn’t be more optimistic.
You’ll get there.
But nearly 6 years on since the conviction, a five-year fight with Admiral, 4 years of sobriety, 3 medicals, 2 (thankfully unsuccessful) suicide attempts, but across all of this (and most importantly) ONE realisation of what was wrong later, life couldn’t be more optimistic.
You’ll get there.
Hardlessontolearn
Established Member
Like Sundog, I too thought life was hopeless after my conviction. I experienced a personal tragedy which hit me hard, I was made redundant, I had financial worries, lost a lot of confidence, was full of shame, regret, embarrassment, you name it, I felt it.
Fast forward 3 years (I had to prove one year of abstinence, my ban was 2 years) and I got my license back last week, I love the job I’m doing, I have an amazing partner, I’m genuinely happy, healthy, I have a real zest for life and I know I have so much to look forward to!
I guarantee you’re going to be fine. More than fine, in fact. Just use this time to gather your thoughts and absolutely forgive yourself.
You made a mistake. You’re human. It happens. It doesn’t make you an inherently bad person.
Fast forward 3 years (I had to prove one year of abstinence, my ban was 2 years) and I got my license back last week, I love the job I’m doing, I have an amazing partner, I’m genuinely happy, healthy, I have a real zest for life and I know I have so much to look forward to!
I guarantee you’re going to be fine. More than fine, in fact. Just use this time to gather your thoughts and absolutely forgive yourself.
You made a mistake. You’re human. It happens. It doesn’t make you an inherently bad person.
SMD
Member
Just back from my court appearance, and as everyone said, it really wasnt as bad as I expected and it is a relief that its over.
My Solicitor said to expect 18 / 19 month ban, a possible community order (the police statement stated I was driving over the speed limit) and a minimum £600 fine, plus costs. As he is a regular in that court he spoke to the prosecutor and arranged for them not to mention the speeding part, as I was never charged with it. There was also no statement from the officer who took my breath reading at the station and he was asking about that. Told him I wanted to plead guilty and just get this over with.
Luckily the speeding part wasnt mentioned and the prosecutor just gave a brief summary. Gave them my two character references and my apology letter. Got the best possible outcome I could, 17 month ban with a 17 week reduction for the DD course, so should be back on the road next April. £120 fine, cant really remember the court costs and victim surcharge, think it was £100+ and £40, but in total it was either £280 or £288, my Solicitor is going to send it through. I did get a bit upset when they sentenced me, part relief and partly the finality of the ban, but they were actually lovely and asking me if I was OK and needed a glass of water. Obviously dressed smartly, and saw two other guys suited and booted, but apart from that there were some right scruffs in there!! When I was waiting to be called someone sat near me who stank of alcohol. Thankfully there were no press in the court room, but the building does have 5 court rooms and is busy, so that is definitely a bonus
All the comments, advise and support have been invaluable to me during this time. I did tell two close friends about this last week, and again you were all right that they were very supportive, understanding and non-judgemental, with lots of offers of help with lifts and shopping, etc. I did get a gentle telling off for not telling them sooner and trying to go it alone.
I've taken the last couple of days to work through logistics of places I need to get to, and how I'm going to do that. Downloaded a couple of bus apps and already planned some routes.
Actually feeling a lot better and a bit more optimistic, but know I will struggle with the adjustment of not driving and suspect the first 3 months will take a lot of getting used to. But as human beings we adapt and change, and I'm definitely going to use this time and experience to try and make positive changes to my life. I fully expect to have some really low periods and I will continue to use this forum to help with that.
The next comment I was going to make was that I just needed to get a job. Bizarrely, just as I was writing this post, someone I used to work with (for 15 years) and who became a good friend, has just rang me and told me that he has put me forward for an interview
, its a bit of a nightmare to get to, and would need two trains, but it would only need me to be in the office for two days, every other week, so could do remote working - that has proper blown my mind, but also started me panicking again, as I really wouldnt want to let him down! Its only for a 4 month contract, but if that comes off I think it would do me good to just try and rebuild my confidence.
Once again, thank you to everyone who comments, this site really is a sanctuary when you are feeling so alone, ashamed and overwhelmed.
My Solicitor said to expect 18 / 19 month ban, a possible community order (the police statement stated I was driving over the speed limit) and a minimum £600 fine, plus costs. As he is a regular in that court he spoke to the prosecutor and arranged for them not to mention the speeding part, as I was never charged with it. There was also no statement from the officer who took my breath reading at the station and he was asking about that. Told him I wanted to plead guilty and just get this over with.
Luckily the speeding part wasnt mentioned and the prosecutor just gave a brief summary. Gave them my two character references and my apology letter. Got the best possible outcome I could, 17 month ban with a 17 week reduction for the DD course, so should be back on the road next April. £120 fine, cant really remember the court costs and victim surcharge, think it was £100+ and £40, but in total it was either £280 or £288, my Solicitor is going to send it through. I did get a bit upset when they sentenced me, part relief and partly the finality of the ban, but they were actually lovely and asking me if I was OK and needed a glass of water. Obviously dressed smartly, and saw two other guys suited and booted, but apart from that there were some right scruffs in there!! When I was waiting to be called someone sat near me who stank of alcohol. Thankfully there were no press in the court room, but the building does have 5 court rooms and is busy, so that is definitely a bonus
All the comments, advise and support have been invaluable to me during this time. I did tell two close friends about this last week, and again you were all right that they were very supportive, understanding and non-judgemental, with lots of offers of help with lifts and shopping, etc. I did get a gentle telling off for not telling them sooner and trying to go it alone.
I've taken the last couple of days to work through logistics of places I need to get to, and how I'm going to do that. Downloaded a couple of bus apps and already planned some routes.
Actually feeling a lot better and a bit more optimistic, but know I will struggle with the adjustment of not driving and suspect the first 3 months will take a lot of getting used to. But as human beings we adapt and change, and I'm definitely going to use this time and experience to try and make positive changes to my life. I fully expect to have some really low periods and I will continue to use this forum to help with that.
The next comment I was going to make was that I just needed to get a job. Bizarrely, just as I was writing this post, someone I used to work with (for 15 years) and who became a good friend, has just rang me and told me that he has put me forward for an interview
, its a bit of a nightmare to get to, and would need two trains, but it would only need me to be in the office for two days, every other week, so could do remote working - that has proper blown my mind, but also started me panicking again, as I really wouldnt want to let him down! Its only for a 4 month contract, but if that comes off I think it would do me good to just try and rebuild my confidence.Once again, thank you to everyone who comments, this site really is a sanctuary when you are feeling so alone, ashamed and overwhelmed.
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