Andy, that is truly awful and I’m sorry for your loss. If you could ask mother now, she would understand that it wasn’t possible for you to be there. Hopefully you will have a lifetime of good memories, try not to dwell on something you cannot change; easier to say, harder to do.my mother died the other day,,,,,unable to see her due to covid.....when i was finally invited to sit by her deathbed......couldnt get a taxi/train/bus at 2.30 in the ,morning.......how do you forgive yourself for that.......??
We all could have Andy. Fortunately most of us didn’t.PS this in no way excuses me for my crime.....where i could of killed/injured someone..