Hello all,
thank you all for your replies and yes I have been getting back to a routine as per everyone’s advise (apart from shaving as I’m trying to grow a beard
), much like grice96 I also study law at university, and it is amazing to hear your story so well done, it’s so good of you also for sticking around here and helping talk to people, it’s insane how similar positions everyone here is, even though I have been inside trapped in my thoughts for the past couple months it’s still insane how fast time goes by. I think another reason I became so disheartened lately is because a lot of my personality was based on being a petrol head, I absolutely loved working on cars ( I even took apart the whole front end of my car outside of my uni accommodation and the look of shock on my flat mates faces when they saw was priceless) after the conviction I took not being able to drive very hard, I went from not even being able to stop my self from fiddling with a car to not even being able to look at them, I felt like a footballer who had just lost his legs. Whenever my dad asked for me to do work on a car that came in to the garage, although it sounds pathetic now I felt heartbroken. However now I’ve started to stop punishing myself. I’m back in the gym and trying to keep myself busy doing small tasks here and there, I think this has helped a lot because after everything that happened I felt scared, empty, incomplete and vulnerable, and although I had my anxiety before I never remembered a time that I felt I was weak like I did. I’m sure there must be a lot of people who have fell down hard like us but still managed to pull it back, so I guess I really just have to keep telling myself it’s a part of the game and keep pushing forward. It’s hard when you loose so much so quickly so I admit most mornings it is very difficult to find the ability to get out of bed, but one thing I’m thankful for is I finally feel better during the day, and I’m starting to find a way out of the dark hole. Again I’m thankful for all of your advice it really has started to lift my spirits up, hopefully prayers for brighter days won’t go ignored