Please please help, my life is over

Convicted Driver Insurance

Marmite2505

Member
So stupidly got caught dd last night. I left a friends house after a bottle of wine, and a panicked phone call from the baby sitter saying my 6 year old was hysterical and she couldnt console her.(recently separated from husband as he was physically and mentally abusive) and I think when my daughter woke up and I wasnt home she freaked out after everything that at happened. In the panic of my distraght babysitter I stupidly got in the car, I got about 10 mins up the road and decided its not a good idea so drove back to my friends. Low and behold police followed me into this road and breathlised me after id parked up. I blew 84 then 76 @ the station.

This is my first driving offence. I will now loose my job as im a community nurse. I am supporting 3 children , including through my recent separation. I also suffer anxiety and depression. A mental health nurse spoke to me at the police station and booked me an emergency gp appointment on my release as ive felt sucidal in the past.
I know its no excuse but I just feel with everything that has happened in my life recently has.impacted on my stupid descision. Im so so scared, sucidal thoughts will return im sure. Court date 15/11
 
Hi Marmite2505
Hope the trip to GP has helped calm things down, it's very easy to get over emotional when first caught and fears of the future become unbearable! It's important you recieve all the help possible for your safety and love for the kids* your life will not be over! It will take a few twists n turns maybe a large stepback but defo not over#

You will recieve a ban you have no real mitigation circumstances , you will need to start planning your life without the use of a car# am sorry to hear you may loose your job ( maybe typsy nurse can advise) but you will get social support start making inquiries if you have nothing to fall back on, if you suffer anxiety /deppression then Alcohol should be limited since your a Nurse guess you already know this, read back some posts there's good information on what to expect from the courts and how to prepare . Stay strong
 
Marmite2505 said:
So stupidly got caught dd last night. I left a friends house after a bottle of wine, and a panicked phone call from the baby sitter saying my 6 year old was hysterical and she couldnt console her.(recently separated from husband as he was physically and mentally abusive) and I think when my daughter woke up and I wasnt home she freaked out after everything that at happened. In the panic of my distraght babysitter I stupidly got in the car, I got about 10 mins up the road and decided its not a good idea so drove back to my friends. Low and behold police followed me into this road and breathlised me after id parked up. I blew 84 then 76 @ the station.

This is my first driving offence. I will now loose my job as im a community nurse. I am supporting 3 children , including through my recent separation. I also suffer anxiety and depression. A mental health nurse spoke to me at the police station and booked me an emergency gp appointment on my release as ive felt sucidal in the past.
I know its no excuse but I just feel with everything that has happened in my life recently has.impacted on my stupid descision. Im so so scared, sucidal thoughts will return im sure. Court date 15/11
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Hello. Sorry to hear what's happened. Reading what brief description you've given sounds totally out of character. Get yourself a solicitor before court date. Make sure you get as many decent character references as you can to present to the magistrates (they like that). That said, not knowing your full story, I can tell you you WILL be banned from driving for a minimum 12 months, period. You will also receive a fine (amount dependent on your monthly outgoings) and WILL pay court costs. That's the minimum the court can give you. We all make mistakes and this will be a hard life lesson learned I'm sure. Good luck
 
Marmite2505 said:
So stupidly got caught dd last night. I left a friends house after a bottle of wine, and a panicked phone call from the baby sitter saying my 6 year old was hysterical and she couldnt console her.(recently separated from husband as he was physically and mentally abusive) and I think when my daughter woke up and I wasnt home she freaked out after everything that at happened. In the panic of my distraght babysitter I stupidly got in the car, I got about 10 mins up the road and decided its not a good idea so drove back to my friends. Low and behold police followed me into this road and breathlised me after id parked up. I blew 84 then 76 @ the station.

This is my first driving offence. I will now loose my job as im a community nurse. I am supporting 3 children , including through my recent separation. I also suffer anxiety and depression. A mental health nurse spoke to me at the police station and booked me an emergency gp appointment on my release as ive felt sucidal in the past.
I know its no excuse but I just feel with everything that has happened in my life recently has.impacted on my stupid descision. Im so so scared, sucidal thoughts will return im sure. Court date 15/11
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The advice on providing references is good. It won't prevent a ban but it may mitigate the length. Also, would your friend be willing to provide a statement that you had no intention of driving that night? Were you planning to stay over until the morning? It could potentially open a can of worms if you intended to drive anyway at a later time but if, for example, you had an overnight bag and your friend was willing to back that up, it may help. Difficult to prove retrospectively but if you really did not plan to drive it may be worth considering.
 
Mate, I’m posting this reply because it’s what I was looking for when I first came here. Your life is not over. I blew 124... way way more than you, and in the custodial bracket. I didn’t go to prison. I did do 200 hours of community service, and when I went back to see my supervisor yesterday, she gave me a hug. I too thought it was game over. But it wasn’t. I still have my job, 7 months later. The 200 hours of community service just flew by... and you aren’t even going to get that. I won’t lie... the ban, the fines, and all of the courses you have to do is just a miserable experience. But it *IS* doable. Don’t panic. It took me a while to get here... but worse things happen at sea! I’m 7 months into a 30 (reduced to 23) ban... nobody knows apart from my immediate family. I was in the local paper... my name, address, car details... yet nobody I care about knows it. It is definitely an absolute shit situation... but it’s nowhere near as bad as you might be thinking.
 
Sorry to hear it, we all know we make irrational decisions when your kids are upset.

As you say you will certainly lose your job as a community nurse. You also need to be aware that the police will usually let your employer know before your court date, so your employer may also take action fairly soon.

Beyond that you need to discuss the situation with the NMC. A straightforward drink driving offence isn't in itself a bar but they will investigate if there were any aggravating factors, normally by writing to your GP to see if you have discussed alcohol dependency with them in the past.

Assuming there are no issues then there is no reason why you can't move into a different role, although if it is with a different Trust the conviction will show on your enhanced DBS check usually indefinitely.

If, realistically when, you are banned on 15th your ban will take effect immediately so you need to quickly discuss with your manager whether they can move you into a different role. It is probably best they find out from you rather than the police.

I don't think I need to tell you second offences are treated much more seriously so you need to avoid taking any chance, including driving the morning after heavy drinking. Not worth the chance.

Good luck either way. It is not the end of the world, we just happen to work in a profession where the NMC get their knickers in a twist about pretty much everything. You will have an unpleasant few months but may come out the other side in a job you wouldn't have considered but really enjoy. There are so many vacancies you really have a choice, or you could work for NHSP or the agency your Trust uses for a bit whilst you consider your next move. At least here you can join as a substantive (verified by your Trust) member same day, and as long as you keep even some hours at your Trust you can use bank shifts to fill any gaps.
 
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Thank you all for replying and being so so kind, its so thoughtful of you all. As for my job I am truly gutted. And yes this behaviour is well and truly out of character for me its just not me at all, but having lost my dad 18 months ago, then having to have my abusive ex removed from the house its been horrendous, and now this .......
 
Unfortunately a bad run of events seems to be a common theme on here. Sometimes that's just the way life is, if it's going to deal you lemons it will go for the whole bloody crate.

Hopefully this will be the turning point. One of the top positives on here seems to be to get a pushbike if you dont already have one. One of the silver linings about not having a car is you can get very fit, and you would be surprised how many journeys actually take the same amount of time. I work in a hospital in a congested city and cycle to work after I realised it took me 30 minutes LONGER to drive there!

Without being rude after community nursing there are many roles which may take you out of your comfort zone but again... there will never be a better time to try it!
 
Marmite2505 said:
Im just so worried as its nearly christmas aswell and this will now show up on my dbs
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Remember - you are not a bad person, just a person / human who has made a mistake. However, have your eyes wide open to the fact a driving ban is inevitable. A good boss / employer will be mindful of that and, hopefully, as a chain of care will support you if you are being open and honest. Tell them the facts behind what happened that night and don't differ from them. The sooner you tell them the better, don't hide - go and see / tell them TODAY. From my brief time on this site TipsyNurse & Price offer only realistic, factual and genuine advice, listen to them. Good luck x
 
The best thing to do is to talk to your manager ASAP, you won't be the first or last nurse in your Trust in this position.

I know in my Trust they offer to place you in an admin role whilst NMC hammer out what will happen. It will be a cut in pay but better than being suspended without pay.

People on here haven't believed a governing body could be so disproportionately difficult about a minor conviction but unfortunately we both know being disproportionately difficult is what the NMC does. In your case it is complicated by the fact you will need to apply for a different role no matter what the outcome, which is why applying for substantive agency work and trying to keep some core hours at your Trust is probably your best bet. Obviously you won't be able to do RN shifts whilst the NMC do their thing, but you could do healthcare assistant shifts. Then when the NMC conclude you could do bank RN shifts whilst you apply for new roles

Not ideal I know but you need to try and avoid suspension without pay.
 
Marmite2505 said:
Im just so worried as its nearly christmas aswell and this will now show up on my dbs
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Look, I blew way more than you. And life isn’t over. The repercussions of what we did are pretty bad... but you will still get through it. Blowing 76 puts you in the second bottom category for sentencing. You are going to get a fine, but it won’t be huge. Mine was £75 court costs and £75 “victim surcharge”... despite there being no victims. And YOU are in no way near the master-criminal that I am. You are going to get banned for 17-22 months. It’s possible you could get a community order... but you probably won’t. If you take the 3 day drink drivers program for £175 then you could be down to just 1 year. Just take this as... much worse might have happened... but it didn’t. Take it one day at a time.
 
Thankyou for all your advice, im so.ashamed of the fact despite only driving round thr corner and back I could have killed someone through my selfishness.
 
Marmite2505 said:
Thankyou for all your advice, im so.ashamed of the fact despite only driving round thr corner and back I could have killed someone through my selfishness.
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Yep - you could. But you didn't. If you or I *had* killed someone, then life would indeed have been over. But we didn't. Think of it this way... in just over a year, this will be in your past!
 
Up to you with the car. If you want to keep it you will probably need an off road place to keep it, or someone else's name to insure it in, as you still need insurance even if it doesn't move nowadays.

With the letters it is best to address them as Dear Sir/Madam. The magistrates can be addressed as "Your worships" but you will need a copy for the Clerk and prosecutor as well.

I would say that letters from your friends have very little weight because, as a nurse, it would be reasonably expected you would be able to find independent professional people to offer references, e.g. doctors, your Matron, etc. Your friends would be expected to say nice things about you. The whole point of references is to show that you are seen as reliable and of good standing by people outside your family and social circle.

If you can't get those personally I would not bother at all. Magistrates seldom stray far from their sentencing guidelines anyway. If you do take references firstly ask permission from the magistrates before you hand them out, and secondly take five copies, one each for the three magistrates, one for the clerk and one for the prosecutor.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but your case will be very quick, normally 15-20 minutes, so you need to make sure every second you have is spent showing you in a good light.
 
I was going to get my friend to.write a letter stating my intention of.staying over as I had an overnight bag with me. Also I will contact esdas they are the domestic abuse charity who have been helping me through my marriage problems since august
 
With DD you need to be careful that what you think is mitigation doesn't actually become an aggravating factor.

If you had packed a bag the court may well interpret that you knew in advance that you would be over the limit and yet you still chose to drive - that you were out of control.

The next logical question they will ask is "When you regain your licence, if you got the same call would you drive again?". That would be a difficult one to answer because if you say no, then again it points you being out of control that night.

It is best just to avoid that whole area because you risk justifying your actions which will not help your case that this is a one off mistake that you will never repeat.

As for the domestic violence, I am hugely sympathetic and glad you are in a better place now. But again, think what it adds to your case. It would appear that you had adequate childcare in place. If you are saying because of the DV that your child having a meltdown was forseeable, then again the question will be why did you not have a plan in advance to get home.

If it wasn't, then the court may well feel sympathetic to you but it seems to have little relevance to the offence unless you are saying you were drinking a lot because of the DV, which is misuse of alcohol and could potentially cause you problems further down the line.

I hope that makes sense. It is normal to want to explain things. However, in the pressure of the court room it is incredibly easy to start justifying your actions and/or that you would repeat them if the same circumstances arose.

Unless you are 100% certain it will aid your case the best thing to do is apologise and say it will never happen again. The safest strategy is to avoid entirely getting into explanations unless they amount to a reason to reduce your ban.
 
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