Drunk driving while already disqualified

Convicted Driver Insurance

ScaredyCat

Member
Hi all. Not sure what I need here, other than being able to talk about it...

My husband was disqualified for drink driving and having an accident in November 2020. He had a previous incident leading to disqualification 8 years earlier, and had had his licence back for about 6 years.

In late August 2021 he had an accident while drunk and disqualified. I think he tried to leave the scene on foot but a bystander brought him back and he was arrested. He was injured and taken to hospital, so blood taken. We're now waiting for the much dreaded letter any day now I assume.

Obviously he's terrified. And angry with himself. He has been to a few counselling sessions, and went to an alcohol support group who apparently said that he doesn't have an issue with booze - obviously wrong!

Is a prison term likely?

And yes, I know he's a bloody idiot.
 

Luna2000

Well-known member
Hi all. Not sure what I need here, other than being able to talk about it...

My husband was disqualified for drink driving and having an accident in November 2020. He had a previous incident leading to disqualification 8 years earlier, and had had his licence back for about 6 years.

In late August 2021 he had an accident while drunk and disqualified. I think he tried to leave the scene on foot but a bystander brought him back and he was arrested. He was injured and taken to hospital, so blood taken. We're now waiting for the much dreaded letter any day now I assume.

Obviously he's terrified. And angry with himself. He has been to a few counselling sessions, and went to an alcohol support group who apparently said that he doesn't have an issue with booze - obviously wrong!

Is a prison term likely?

And yes, I know he's a bloody idiot.
Hi

No one can say with any certainty what a Magistrate will decide, but he has had 3 DUI's in 10 years with the aggravating factor that he was driving without a licence or insurance and was also above the limit (what was his reading.) Regardless, he already is HRO and I think you need to prepare yourself for the POSSIBILITY that he will get a prison sentence, mainly because he has shown a pattern and a disregard for the law with his latest arrest.

He needs to ask himself honestly (and perhaps you can also answer this,) that when he takes one drink, can he stop or does he always continue longer than anyone else? If the answer is yes and if he drinks every day or binges excessively then he is probably alcohol dependent (i.e an alcoholic,) Has he been to AA?

I know this is not what you want to hear, but I was convicted twice in two years and had to accept that I did have a problem and was an alcoholic.
 

ScaredyCat

Member
Thanks Luna. I absolutely think he has an issue, but he doesn't see it and thinks he's just a social drinker. I think he uses booze as a coping mechanism after a series of quite tough life events - he went to a few counselling sessions, but the counsellor wasn't the right fit.

And the alcohol support person wasn't much use as he's just not ready to face it.

In some ways, a prison spell might actually be the wake up call he needs to sort out a couple of areas of his life. Terrible of me to say it...
 

Luna2000

Well-known member
Thanks Luna. I absolutely think he has an issue, but he doesn't see it and thinks he's just a social drinker. I think he uses booze as a coping mechanism after a series of quite tough life events - he went to a few counselling sessions, but the counsellor wasn't the right fit.

And the alcohol support person wasn't much use as he's just not ready to face it.

In some ways, a prison spell might actually be the wake up call he needs to sort out a couple of areas of his life. Terrible of me to say it...
Yes, I also found Addiction Services not that helpful. Their usual advice was to only drink on certain days or only drink beer and not spirits. After going to AA I realised that does not work. The only way is abstinence. The problem is, you can't force the issue with him. He needs to do it for himself and when he is ready and from what you are saying he isn't.

It is estimated that 75% of people in prison are there because alcohol was in some ay involved in their crimes.

If it were invented today, it would be banned as a Class A drug.
 

Freddie Daddy

Active member
This is my opinion only. For what it’s worth. I’ve been there and now almost three years since my last drink.

He has an issue in my view as “normal” or “social” drinkers might do it once but not more than (in my experience / opinion). I would advise that he accepts that and explains to the judge or magistrate that he is taking steps to ensure it doesn’t happen again. That’s what they will be interested in.
 

ScaredyCat

Member
This is my opinion only. For what it’s worth. I’ve been there and now almost three years since my last drink.

He has an issue in my view as “normal” or “social” drinkers might do it once but not more than (in my experience / opinion). I would advise that he accepts that and explains to the judge or magistrate that he is taking steps to ensure it doesn’t happen again. That’s what they will be interested in.
Totally agree with you. Thanks.
 

ScaredyCat

Member
Yes, I also found Addiction Services not that helpful. Their usual advice was to only drink on certain days or only drink beer and not spirits. After going to AA I realised that does not work. The only way is abstinence. The problem is, you can't force the issue with him. He needs to do it for himself and when he is ready and from what you are saying he isn't.

It is estimated that 75% of people in prison are there because alcohol was in some ay involved in their crimes.

If it were invented today, it would be banned as a Class A drug.
Totally right - he can't seem to drink moderately at all these days. Doesn't help that some so called friends seem to encourage it. They however seem to be the friends that don't have worried wives at home, and are happy to be in his round after work every day...
 

Sundog

Well-known member
Thanks Luna. I absolutely think he has an issue, but he doesn't see it and thinks he's just a social drinker. I think he uses booze as a coping mechanism after a series of quite tough life events - he went to a few counselling sessions, but the counsellor wasn't the right fit.

And the alcohol support person wasn't much use as he's just not ready to face it.

In some ways, a prison spell might actually be the wake up call he needs to sort out a couple of areas of his life. Terrible of me to say it...

Hi SC

I’m not sure my opinion will help, but I strongly recommend something other than counselling.

In the middle of my darkest days I went for counselling after a lengthy NHS wait, and, although he was a thoroughly nice bloke, some of the advice he gave me at times beggared belief (I won’t share the details here but it was shocking what he said to me, on more than one occasion). Nice guy, but totally wrong approach. Naturally I got worse.

It wasn’t until I went privately to see a psychiatrist that I was able to make some headway with some of the many things wrong in my life; and not just alcohol. I was then referred for clinical psychology, and to this day I think that probably saved my life.

Although I have only one DUI conviction, that was only one of my many worries at the time. I was on a downward spiral, and ended up in hospital 3 times in 6 months (two were suicide attempts, one after being attacked in a town miles away from home after missing a train). My life was only going one way. But somehow, having regular psychology from a professional I got on with and respected - and who respected me - helped me start to turn it all around.

I think if you were to do this or get your husband to engage, not only could it help him but it will also look good in the eyes of the probation officer (who you are going to need on your side). Obviously the former is the most important of the two, but perhaps considering the latter aspect will persuade him to go.

I wish you luck and I hope this helps. Whilst he is clearly very lucky to have such an understanding other half in you, he is unwell - as I was - and perhaps needs professional help. Sorry if that sounds preachy, but there is a pattern here that he doesn’t seem to want to address, and - although expensive - these people have seen it all before and will know best how to approach him individually.
 
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ScaredyCat

Member
Hi SC

I’m not sure my opinion will help, but I strongly recommend something other than counselling.

In the middle of my darkest days I went for counselling after a lengthy NHS wait, and, although he was a thoroughly nice bloke, some of the advice he gave me at times beggared belief (I won’t share the details here but it was shocking what he said to me, on more than one occasion). Nice guy, but totally wrong approach. Naturally I got worse.

It wasn’t until I went privately to see a psychiatrist that I was able to make some headway with some of the many things wrong in my life; and not just alcohol. I was then referred for clinical psychology, and to this day I think that probably saved my life.

Although I have only one DUI conviction, that was only one of my many worries at the time. I was on a downward spiral, and ended up in hospital 3 times in 6 months (two were suicide attempts, one after being attacked in a town miles away from home after missing a train). My life was only going one way. But somehow, having regular psychology from a professional I got on with and respected - and who respected me - helped me start to turn it all around.

I think if you were to do this or get your husband to engage, not only could it help him but it will also look good in the eyes of the probation officer (who you are going to need on your side). Obviously the former is the most important of the two, but perhaps considering the latter aspect will persuade him to go.

I wish you luck and I hope this helps. Whilst he is clearly very lucky to have such an understanding other half in you, he is unwell - as I was - and perhaps needs professional help. Sorry if that sounds preachy, but there is a pattern here that he doesn’t seem to want to address, and - although expensive - these people have seen it all before and will know best how to approach him individually.
Not preachy at all - thanks so much for taking the time to post. He's now started to see a psychotherapist, so hopefully this will start to have an impact on him.

Thanks for your wish of luck. You might have made me have a tiny cry for saying that he's lucky to have an understanding other half - it's hard sometimes, but worth it. Even when others tell me I'm bloody stupid to support him.
 

RSC

Well-known member
Not preachy at all - thanks so much for taking the time to post. He's now started to see a psychotherapist, so hopefully this will start to have an impact on him.

Thanks for your wish of luck. You might have made me have a tiny cry for saying that he's lucky to have an understanding other half - it's hard sometimes, but worth it. Even when others tell me I'm bloody stupid to support him.
Tad off "topic" but how are you managing?
 

ScaredyCat

Member
Tad off "topic" but how are you managing?
I'm ok thanks. Up and down, but ok. My family are great thankfully and have my back no matter what. Only a handful of other people know what's going on, and the majority are supportive, but some of washed their hands of both of us - totally understandably - but if the worst comes to the worst I think they'll be there for me.

Looking at some counselling for me too.

It's the wait that's the worst - we really hoped that it would all be sorted by now! I know that it's not a police priority, but the stress does take its toll on families.

Thank you so much for asking - it's very kind of you. It's helpful to talk about it here too.
 

price1367

TTC Group
Sadly it is not a question of “Police priority”, their hands are tied. They can do nothing until the lab reports the result of the blood sample to them, and this is taking months.
 

Sundog

Well-known member
Not preachy at all - thanks so much for taking the time to post. He's now started to see a psychotherapist, so hopefully this will start to have an impact on him.

Thanks for your wish of luck. You might have made me have a tiny cry for saying that he's lucky to have an understanding other half - it's hard sometimes, but worth it. Even when others tell me I'm bloody stupid to support him.

That’s what love is, I guess. Glad I could help.

In my case I wasn’t so fortunate until I met someone who had been through similar.

Take care :)
 

Luna2000

Well-known member
I'm ok thanks. Up and down, but ok. My family are great thankfully and have my back no matter what. Only a handful of other people know what's going on, and the majority are supportive, but some of washed their hands of both of us - totally understandably - but if the worst comes to the worst I think they'll be there for me.

Looking at some counselling for me too.

It's the wait that's the worst - we really hoped that it would all be sorted by now! I know that it's not a police priority, but the stress does take its toll on families.

Thank you so much for asking - it's very kind of you. It's helpful to talk about it here too.
Just saw this post ScaredyCat (a bit late I know.)

Anyway, tuppence worth, the people who have washed their hands of you are NOT your real friends. Ask yourself, would they have stopped being your friends if your husband had been diagnosed with a serious illness like cancer, or MS?

Well, your husband does have an illness. It is called Alcoholism.

The problem with society is that they view alcoholics as simply people who are weak and unable to control themselves.

I personally did not start to drink alcoholically until I was 53 and stopped when I was 62. But in that short timescale caused massive mayhem and disruption to my family and myself personally, as well as losing my licence twice.

I now have my licence back, a 1 year licence, but it is still a licence.

Plus you should also 'console' yourself in the knowledge that all of these so called friends have at one time in the past or will in the future, drive while over the drink driving limit, normally nipping for the paper next morning in the car after a heavy night out with their friends.

As well as seeing the psychiatrist, I still think he should get to AA, as these are the people who have walked the walked and will understand exactly what he is going through. This will also help in his defense as it will demonstrate he recognises he has a problem and needs to do something about it.

So good luck with the court case, and remember, it will pass and things will get better.
 

ScaredyCat

Member
Thank you Luna - I really appreciate you taking the time to write. I will approach the idea of AA with him again - I know it's what he needs.
 

ScaredyCat

Member
That 3 weeks will come and go in no time. You’ll both get through it.

How is the psychology working out for him?
He went to a few sessions, but I don't think the therapist was a good fit. I'd like him to find another, but nothing I do is right at the moment and he won't listen - he's been pushing me away since the charges/court date letter arrived last week. So looking foward to this being over...
 

Sundog

Well-known member
I’m really sorry to hear that, SC. A ‘good fit’ psychologist/psychotherapist is essential, otherwise there is little point to it.

Either that, or without wanting to jump to conclusions, he just doesn’t want help yet; in which case there will never be a good fit until he’s ready.

This must be awful for you. :(
 
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