Does it get better? Is it all over for me?

Convicted Driver Insurance

SuicidalDepressive

Member
Hi,

I just wanted to ask, does it get better? I am about to be convicted for drink driving, after crashing my car intentionally, trying to kill myself. Emerged from the crash unscathed, blew 86 and am probably staring down the barrel of a 21 month ban (hopefully no community service, and probably closer to 17 with the course). Pretty sure it can be well mitigated given my no previous convictions and mental health issues. Heck, even the police Sergeant who charged me said that, professionally, it's not all over for me and this is just a blip ultimately. Big shoutout to the professionalism of the police who knicked me.

With all that in mind, I can't help feel like it's all over. I'm in uni, second year, and I'm gonna have to live with this in the online local paper probably, following me around. Not going to be great when looking for a job that, an employer being able to google this? Should I change my name by deed poll?

Thanks.
 
Do you know anyone with a previous DD charge*,what was your short term and long term view of that charactor! Am willing to bet if there not a persistant offender you hardly gave it a second thought#
You clearly have some health issues please speak with your GP again seek profesional advice and any help offered"
Its all to easy to hit ourselves with the self loathing stick" your young stay positive life can change for the better very fast" do something that will make you proud help an old neighbour clean up there garden/volenteer to work in a food bank / contact homeless shelters see if they need help",by helping others it will distract your own self loath n pain :)
 
P's Do not change your name! Keep your identity but vow to become a much much better person*
Incase you have issues with alcohol consider medical help and contact alcohol help lines or AA
You will never thhink straight whilst alcohols involved.
 
It does get better, but you've got to be strong and not let it get the better of you. I am in my second year of uni too, I've just secured a placement job and not mentioned anything about my ban, the duty solicitor said you don't need to tell them. You may be lucky and not be put in the papers - I never appeared and some other people i know haven't either, think it's pot luck. However, even if you do, most people realise that everyone makes mistakes!

It really isn't the end, but it will take a while to adjust to life without being able to drive. But eventually you do, and it's not so bad. It's certainly not going to be easy, but its not as bad as it seems right now. I highly recommend doing the Drink driver rehabilitation course, to not only reduce your ban by 25% but to open your eyes about the whole subject too, and I'm fairly sure there will be other people there in much worse positions than you. Its a really helpful experience with no judgement whatsoever!

Also, IIRC, as you blew 86 then you're just clear of being a high risk offender and having to do a medical etc, so there's that!

Coming from someone with 6 weeks left of a 13 month ban - the light at the end of the tunnel does eventually appear, you just have to be patient and stay positive, you'll end up a better person for it :) Start cycling and/or the gym - works wonders for the mind!
 
In answer to your question - It does get better.. but you have to make changes and think positively.

It's a mistake many people make, and it is generally seen as a 'motoring offence' rather than a 'criminal offence'. (Although if you ask the family of a drink driving victim - they'd tell you they're murderers!). There are serving police officers who joined the force with a drink drive conviction. If you can still do that then you can do most things.

It really isn't all over.. but you will struggle for a little while.

You're still young as well. You've got your whole life ahead of you - don't let this ruin it for you.
 
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You have had good advice given already that I agree with.
i would just add that changing your name will do nothing to get rid of the conviction from your name.
'You have to list ALL names you have been known by on any police check / DBS form for a criminal record enquiry - usually a maiden name but it also covers 'deed poll' changes so you cannot shed the conviction from a check for 5 years for a simple check or 11 years on a DBS check (if this is your only conviction)
Good luck, you Will get over it in due course.
 
Hello, just to reassure you I have secured a new job at a well known ftse 100 pharmaceutical company whilst declaring my dd conviction. It doesn't have to affect your career providing you are not looking at a role that involves driving.
 
Thanks everyone, really appreciated the advice. Helped keep me sane for this past fortnight.

Had my hearing yesterday. Pretty much knew what was coming, 21 month ban (thanks to some good mitigation, otherwise probably would've been 22) and £280 fine (with the course provided which I'll definitely take, reducing it to under 16 months). I could be back on the roads by September 2018, which I know as a student is just gonna fly by. All in all, the court experience was painless. Magistrates wished me well and the police as I said were nice. I'm just taking it one day at a time now. I'm still pretty depressed mentally, so gotta work on that now, but it's looking up. I did a lot of volunteering before, but I did it selfishly as a career boost so it'll be good to do it for a more redemptive purpose.

Don't know if I will end up in the local rag as, tragically, the news coverage has been all on the devastating Manchester bombings (and a M6 pile up). As for the whole changing my name thing, I appreciate it won't keep me clear of a DBS check but from professional point of view you don't want clients and employers googling your name to see all this in a newspaper article online. However, there is this EU "right to be forgotten" law which means you can petition search providers to ditch these articles post-Rehabilitation of Offenders Act period so there's that.

Havent heard from the farmer whose gate/hay bale I crashed into. My solicitor told me just to forget about it. Insurers will send me a bill if applicable (though I haven't heard from the guy so I doubt they're doing anything) and the guy might be able to mend the damage himself she says. I doubt it will be a eye-watering bill like some I've heard about.
 
Thanks everyone, really appreciated the advice. Helped keep me sane for this past fortnight.

Had my hearing yesterday. Pretty much knew what was coming, 21 month ban (thanks to some good mitigation, otherwise probably would've been 22) and £280 fine (with the course provided which I'll definitely take, reducing it to under 16 months). I could be back on the roads by September 2018, which I know as a student is just gonna fly by. All in all, the court experience was painless. Magistrates wished me well and the police as I said were nice. I'm just taking it one day at a time now. I'm still pretty depressed mentally, so gotta work on that now, but it's looking up. I did a lot of volunteering before, but I did it selfishly as a career boost so it'll be good to do it for a more redemptive purpose.

Don't know if I will end up in the local rag as, tragically, the news coverage has been all on the devastating Manchester bombings (and a M6 pile up). As for the whole changing my name thing, I appreciate it won't keep me clear of a DBS check but from professional point of view you don't want clients and employers googling your name to see all this in a newspaper article online. However, there is this EU "right to be forgotten" law which means you can petition search providers to ditch these articles post-Rehabilitation of Offenders Act period so there's that.

Havent heard from the farmer whose gate/hay bale I crashed into. My solicitor told me just to forget about it. Insurers will send me a bill if applicable (though I haven't heard from the guy so I doubt they're doing anything) and the guy might be able to mend the damage himself she says. I doubt it will be a eye-watering bill like some I've heard about.
 
Wow that is a tough read, makes mine feel like a walk in the park, but I'll tell it you, in the hope it helps.

I must admit, I felt very very down after my incident. I felt like my world had fallen apart and continued to go downwards. For so long I had been the voice of reason when it came to cars in my family and now I was that guy who had just been had for drinking driving. I am also the safe and confident driver. The one who has travelled the length and breadth of the country in a car. The one who routinely smashes 50k miles in 18 months.

In the weeks after, I felt nearly suicidal. I wouldn't say fully suicidal, but I remember thinking that my world was falling apart around me. My girlfriend was ready to leave me, my family were ready to disown me, I was having to constantly lie to people about why I wasn't driving anymore. I had built a life, a successful career, and the whole thing felt as though it could come crumbling down at any moment.

I remember being at the train station thinking "how could I have done things differently that night", "could I have ran", "could I have left my car, taken a taxi home, left it, and perhaps gotten away with it" ? My mind was more about me being a victim than me being the 'aggressor', perhaps the wrong word but certainly one that helps describe my feelings.

There were days that were utterly horrific.

I remember one day, about a week or two after, my girlfriend picked me up from work and we decided to travel up to the Trafford Centre in Manchester to do some Christmas shopping which was about an hour or so away. Our relationship felt very broken at this time, and she, like me, was trying to save it. She is not used to that kind of driving, stop/start in a busy metropolitan area, fast motorway stuff, and her car isn't the best for it either. She found it hard and stressful and by the time she got to the shopping centre, her mind was clearly a bit 'broken'. We bought one Christmas present and stayed for less than half an hour. She walked out, her barely speaking to me on the way back to the car, and then she broke down in tears while driving home. It felt horrific. It felt like my mistake was about to cost me my license, my relationship, my family....

Having moved into our new house before my drink driving, again, we tried to cheer ourselves up by going and buying our first Christmas tree. We, well, I, spent a fortune on it. I remember saying to her "if I can write off an expensive car and pay a fine of £500 for a stupid few drinks with friends, I can also buy us the best damned tree we can afford". Unfortunately, after getting it home, we fell out again and she broke into tears while putting the tree up. Putting the tree up was always a happy occasion for us, and we used to help each others families.... yet when it was our turn to do our own, it was tainted. I remember feeling so broken, words cannot describe it.

I had the worst Christmas for a long time. I couldn't spend it with my family, as my family live 20 miles away. We got to pop round for an hour or so, but it was hollow really.

After Christmas, was when things started to turn around for me. I decided I needed to change my outlook, stop feeling sorry for myself etc. The drink driving course helped me with that as well. Seeing other people in the same situation was surprisingly therapeutic. I wasn't sure what to expect, but there were all kinds of people there and this was a really positive experience for me....

I began to deal with my situation as it were. I used (still use) the train to get to work, or lifts off my work colleague who lives close by. I learnt the bus routes etc. I got the hang of taxis and which to use to get me to stuff like football on a Saturday and even local trains.

I mended things with my girlfriend, we went on holiday and I proposed to her, she said yes. I did my best to mend things with family. It's not perfect, but it's better.

My outlook on my actions has also changed and my attitude has as well. Instead of thinking "could I have ran", I now thank.... 'luck'(?) that I didn't hit the house that was less than 100 yards away and kill myself, or the occupants. I think to myself, had I not been involved in an accident, would I have drink driven again.... and the answer is possibly, because I had become complacent. Three pints was okay. Four pints was okay so long as I had a meal etc. I had began to brainwash myself with all this maths. It's all incorrect and it's legitimising something that is wrong.

I look at the conviction as a negative, because I'm aware that it will cause me difficulty perhaps getting into the USA for example, and I will have to declare it on job applications (if I go for any) for 5 years, but I look at the crash and the accident and the experience as a positive, because I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN. It'll be a zero limit for me from now on, and what's more, I will never put myself in a situation where I can be tempted or bullied or talked into making such a ridiculous mistake again.

So I'm now in the last few months of my conviction and I am looking at new cars etc. Saving up money and what not. My life has been a lot better though since January or so.... there have been individual downs since of course, I won't lie. I had been able to, incredibly, keep my conviction and ban completely hidden from work. Despite never arriving in my own car, nobody had put 2 and 2 together. Unfortunately, my ban was leaked by a particularly unpleasant and malicious 'gossip' who found out through their job and I remember having quite a rough few days, that evening perhaps being the only one I felt as bad as back in November/December.

The only other time was when I missed out on an opportunity to drive a £160k luxury car, mostly driven by footballers, etc. I won't disclose the car in question, but a few of my friends have asked me "do you regret not being able to drive such an amazing car". Ironically, having not driven for so long, not really. Yeah it would have been nice and an experience that I'll probably never have again, but I'm a lot more gutted that I missed my favourite football team thrash an old rival a few years ago because I was on holiday. I'll still be able to drive again soon.

So yeah, that's my story.... and I hope that it gives you some comfort to know that I was in a very very dark place, but now I'm in a much better place. I hope you reach that same place. I would imagine we all go through the same experience in some form or another.
 
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