please help me

Convicted Driver Insurance

Janeberry

Member
I joined this site this morning. I want to explain my situation. I am so scared. I've been so stupid. Last Friday I net a friend for 'a drink'. I left earlier than planned. Driving home I crashed into a roundabout, my car tumbled & turned on its roof. Nobody else was involved & apart from bruises, bitten tongue & bump on head, I am physically ok. The car was second hand, my mum loaned me the money because my old car was irreparable through age. I'd had my 'new' car 3 weeks. I have never been in trouble, of any kind, before, never broken the law, it has always put the fear of god in me. I am 45. I am a single parent of two autistic children, 16 & 13. I have brought them up alone for the last 9 years. I am diagnosed with trigeminal neuralgia (aka suicide disease) & recently been undergoing investigations for MS, which is sometimes related to TN. I am due to see my neurosurgeon in a couple of weeks, possibly to discuss surgery which involves intensive care as its a brain operation to compress a blood vessel pressing on my nerve in my head. I am on my own, cant tell anyone, so ashamed, scared I will lose everything, including my children. How can I cope without a car to take them to appointments they have regularly? My family will disown me if they knew. I wanted to be such a good role model for my boys, after coping & struggling for so long, I've finally failed, both as a human & mother. I was measured 52 in the breathalyser test. I am lucky to be alive but dont feel I deserve to be. I keep having nightmares of going to court (I will be alone as cant tell anyone) but the children being taken out of school to be told mummy has been sent to prison & me never seeing them again.
 
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Janeberry,
Firstly your nightmare is just that, it is NOT reality. You cannot go to jail for a reading of 52 and a simple one vehicle accident.
Secondly, reading your sad post, it seems most of your situation stems from having to deal with this alone....... but you shouldn't do that.
Yes you have made a stupid mistake and yes, your parents will be cross with you but they are almost certain to find out, either when it comes out why you are not driving for a year or, perhaps, when they read about it in the local paper if there is a reporter there on the day in court.
What you urgently need is support NOW, so I would urge you to tell your family. They will say you have been daft, but you know that anyway. After the initial shock, family usually rally round and their help can be invaluable to helping you get through this. Your boys perhaps do not need to know, depending on the extent of their autism.
Please tell your parents........ otherwise the lies will start to mount about why you cannot take your boys to their appointments, perhaps why you do not want to accept your parents offer of help to get another car, why you do not want to go on their insurance to be able to drive their car (that lie will have to continue for 5 years as you would have to disclose your conviction for that long) lies have the habit of wearing people down, you have enough on your plate and you need support. The truth will help you get that.
 
Thank you so much. My dad is in a home for dementia, so I cant tell him. My mum I a staunch tea-total but one if the only people I've got. I know I must tell her. I need someone there to help me. I am seeing a friend tomorrow to go & collect my belongings from the car. I might ask her to come with me & tell mum. My car hit a roundabout & overturned onto the roof. I was pulled out of the window. I just keep crying & boys don't understand tears/emotions. I don't want to be here. I know I have to face it but I don't know how much more I can take.
 
You have a plan! Talk to your friend and then make a joint approach to your mum. (Just as an aside, your friend will be understanding if she had the same amount to drink as you that day and then drive home herself.....?)
 
Hello, I was 52 and so scared I was going to prison. I got a 12 month ban reduced to 9 if I complete the course which I will do and a 400 pound fine. I haven't told everyone because some people there is no need and I'm ashamed to say that I'm totally embarrassed but you must tell the important people so they can support you. I was dreading telling my boss as I'm enhanced crb checked but she was lovely. Yes it was a stupid thing I did and I think about it all the time but you have to move on. Take care and I hope it all works out for you
 
Thank you. Do you mind me asking what part of the world you are in. I wonder if sentences vary, depending on the courts. I'm south west, so will be Bath Magistrates. Also, what was your breathalyser reading, mine was 52. Was anyone else involved? My car is a complete write off, hit roundabout and overturned, I was locked in sat upside-down. I also wonder if how bad the crash makes a difference? I told a friend today, turns out she's a true friend & still loves me. Still haven't told my family or anyone else though. Big relief when I told my friend. She knows I'm not a bad person. The judge doesn't know that though.
 
Mine was 52, I was parked up and sat in passenger seat as I had to leave house because my ex partner was very violent. Stupid now that I drove but I was not thinking straight but i had driven a mile up the road. He rang the police on me and they found me.
 
Janeberry,
Firstly your nightmare is just that, it is NOT reality. You cannot go to jail for a reading of 52 and a simple one vehicle accident.
Secondly, reading your sad post, it seems most of your situation stems from having to deal with this alone....... but you shouldn't do that.
Yes you have made a stupid mistake and yes, your parents will be cross with you but they are almost certain to find out, either when it comes out why you are not driving for a year or, perhaps, when they read about it in the local paper if there is a reporter there on the day in court.
What you urgently need is support NOW, so I would urge you to tell your family. They will say you have been daft, but you know that anyway. After the initial shock, family usually rally round and their help can be invaluable to helping you get through this. Your boys perhaps do not need to know, depending on the extent of their autism.
Please tell your parents........ otherwise the lies will start to mount about why you cannot take your boys to their appointments, perhaps why you do not want to accept your parents offer of help to get another car, why you do not want to go on their insurance to be able to drive their car (that lie will have to continue for 5 years as you would have to disclose your conviction for that long) lies have the habit of wearing people down, you have enough on your plate and you need support. The truth will help you get that.
Jane for got sake you sound like you have a hard time enough with all your problems and your poor sons.. but please dont batter yourself... people mess up i have but you should expect a ban.. but just get a soliciter you have verry good reason and need to keep driving.. they will help you out...keep your chin up bud
 
Thank you, wish I could stop crying. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, gp said its the shock still coming out. All I can remember is being pulled through the window of my upside-down car. I spoke to a solicitor yesterday, they said they'd be in touch within 24 hrs but said 20 April probably too soon for them to be able to represent me & apply & receive legs aid, which hopefully I am entitled to as receive benefit & on income support. My home I surrounded with flowers from friends who don't know the truth. I dont deserve any of it.
 
You will get through this, it's hard but you will do it. Stay strong for your boys. Yes what we did was wrong but we can get through it and learn our mistakes.
 
Thank you. I seem to ne drifting through each day, dreading the start because I have to face people & dreading the end because then I'm alone with my nightmares of being in that cell or just alone with my thoughts. Solicitors are saying there isn't enough time to put legal aid in place before court date, so it might have to be postponed, I just want to get it over with. I'm not sure how much I can take. I don't deserve to be here, I hate myself so much, the boys deserve better too. What type of role model am I?
 
Hi Jane,

Further to your message I just wanted to echo the advice of other posters and confirm first of all that you are at no risk whatsoever of a custodial sentence being imposed. The Magistrates have a set of sentencing guidelines which the strictly adhere to in 99% of cases, and there is nothing to suggest that your case will be any different. The guidelines advise a 12-16 month disqualification and a Band C fine which will be calculated based upon your income and your outgoing expenses. Because this is your first offence you are also very likely to be offered the drink drive rehabilitation course which would reduce the disqualification by up to 25% upon completion.

I appreciate that it must feel as though the world is falling in at the moment but the best thing that you can do is to try and get the support of your close friends/family to help you through this. We all make mistakes, the key is to learn from them.
 
Hi
My nightmare began last December I blew 97 no accident thank god but still one hell of a mess. I kept what happened to myself for three weeks I was utterly miserable I confided in my sister then told my parents. I am 40 and was worried sick I felt ashamed. But they were amazing and so supportive. When I was sat there in their living room crying my eyes out their reaction was totally un expected. You will realise who loves you and who doesn't. A parents love for their child is un conditional no matter what age. When I told them it was like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My dad started to cry and when I asked him why he said I am crying not because of what has happened but because you have been alone for three weeks. Your situation is raw at the moment as mine was in December but you WILL get through it. The only way is forward. I teach special needs young people and my heart goes out to you but you have to believe you will get through this. Just like me and so many others you have made a mistake that you will learn from. Your children need you and in time your experience will prevent others from making the same mistake. You are alive, and in time you will have a clear mind and be able to put your thoughts in order. Please don't despair I was there not so long ago and I have gotten through it x
 
Ally

Thank you so much. I am riddled with shame, guilt & depression at the moment. I am in constant chronic pain from my illness & my Dr has referred me for counselling, I think its time I tried to be a bit kinder to myself. I'm going to try it. As for court on Monday, I'll be very surprised if I don't collapse with fear. Looks like my solicitor would like to ask for more time to submit more medical evidence. If it helps my case, that's fine but it just prolongs the case & me not knowing my sentence, therefore more nights of nightmares.

You're parents sound like great people, I hope I will be forgiving & supportive like that to my children, should they ever get in this type of situation. It really has made me much less judgemental.

Thanx again
 
Hi Jane,

Further to your message I just wanted to echo the advice of other posters and confirm first of all that you are at no risk whatsoever of a custodial sentence being imposed. The Magistrates have a set of sentencing guidelines which the strictly adhere to in 99% of cases, and there is nothing to suggest that your case will be any different. The guidelines advise a 12-16 month disqualification and a Band C fine which will be calculated based upon your income and your outgoing expenses. Because this is your first offence you are also very likely to be offered the drink drive rehabilitation course which would reduce the disqualification by up to 25% upon completion.

I appreciate that it must feel as though the world is falling in at the moment but the best thing that you can do is to try and get the support of your close friends/family to help you through this. We all make mistakes, the key is to learn from them.

Thank you, its good to hear that. I am thinking irrationally at the moment, because I am so scared. I have good character refs from my children's disability social worker but I wont have my doctors report in time for my case on Monday, so think my solicitor will ask for more time. Trouble is, I dont qualify for legal aid and a second court appearance is going to be even more costly for me and prolong the agony of not knowing. Monday cant come soon enough.
 
As you have been told, the range the magistrates will be looking at is 12-16 months. With a character reference and a good presentation from your solicitor, you may well get the lower end of this. A letter from your doctor will not do much more anyway. You have to be banned, it is not like his letter will make a difference to that. An adjournment will only stretch your anxiety for longer, and the money you spend on the solicitor for another appearance could be better put towards a drink drive rehabilitation course which will get you up to 25% off your ban, more than the extra month that a doctors letter might get you. (But remember I have a vested interest because I work for a company that runs these courses!)
You have to be guided by your solicitor, but at the end of the day it is YOUR case, and I think you should instruct him to go ahead with the guilty plea, put in the letter from your children's worker and give a VERBAL explanation of your medical problems, pointing out that it could be supplied to the magistrates in writing if they required it. As it will not make a difference to if you are banned or not, providing it is a plausible explanation of your circumstances I would expect them to take note of it, NOT require it in writing and you will know your ban on Monday. That way you will not face another 2-4 weeks of uncertainty and anxiety about going back to court and worrying about the length of your ban.
 
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As you have been told, the range the magistrates will be looking at is 12-16 months. With a character reference and a good presentation from your solicitor, you may well get the lower end of this. A letter from your doctor will not do much more anyway. You have to be banned, it is not like his letter will make a difference to that. An adjournment will only stretch your anxiety for longer, and the money you spend on the solicitor for another appearance could be better put towards a drink drive rehabilitation course which will get you up to 25% off your ban, more than the extra month that a doctors letter might get you. (But remember I have a vested interest because I work for a company that runs these courses!)
You have to be guided by your solicitor, but at the end of the day it is YOUR case, and I think you should instruct him to go ahead with the guilty plea, put in the letter from your children's worker and give a VERBAL explanation of your medical problems, pointing out that it could be supplied to the magistrates in writing if they required it. As it will not make a difference to if you are banned or not, providing it is a plausible explanation of your circumstances I would expect them to take note of it, NOT require it in writing and you will know your ban on Monday. That way you will not face another 2-4 weeks of uncertainty and anxiety about going back to court and worrying about the length of your ban.

Price is right. Court is a formality and over very quickly. Those people you will face are doing their jobs and that's how you must look at it. They are human beings just like you and I they have sentencing guidelines in front of them that they adhere to I learnt that on the DD course. Prepare yourself for the worst, it's amazing how you adapt when you accept it. Your life has temporarily taken a different path that's all. Stay strong Hun x
 
Thank you, this time tomorrow it will all be over with & I hope my life can move on. The support from people on here has really helped. I dont feel so alone.
 
You will get through this, it's hard but you will do it. Stay strong for your boys. Yes what we did was wrong but we can get through it and learn our mistakes.

When it's just happened it seems like the worst thing ever. I was at fault I admit that then before I even went to court the police rang me work and told them what had happened and I lost my job, talk about kicking someone when they are down. I have come back fighting I made a mistake and have been given a punishment but I will be damned if it's going to last a lifetime. When you know where you stand you will begin to put things into perspective and work around it. It's not forever it's short term, I am here if you ever want to talk x
 
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